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Is human connection the overlooked secret to thriving?
The age-old conundrum: staying in or going out.
With wellness routines becoming increasingly intricate—layered with skincare routines, warm baths steeped in essential oils, rituals involving mugs of cacao in hand, and magnesium capsules on the nightstand—it feels like the quiet haven of me-time has never been more sacred. But amidst the journals, candles and perfectly timed wind-downs, where do we make space for catching up with friends? And when we do, how often are we preoccupied with rushing home to complete the routine which seems to hold the key to better sleep and optimal wellbeing?
Enter the joy of missing out (JOMO), a cultural shift that has nudged aside the YOLO era. Resting, retreating, and saying no to social invitations has become a badge of wellness—something we pin onto us in the name of health. And yes, there’s true power in honoring rest, especially during the whirl of festive gatherings. And yes, we applaud those who find bravery and freedom in saying no and setting healthy boundaries when once finding this impossibly hard. But as we cocoon ourselves in self-care, we might be missing a crucial truth: our relationships—those moments of connection, belly laughter, and vulnerability—are as vital to our health as any supplement or meditation session.
Science and ancient wisdom alike point to the profound impact of relationships on our well-being. From buffering stress to enhancing longevity, nurturing bonds with others isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a cornerstone of ultimate wellness.
The Hidden Power of Relationships
When we think of health, we often reduce it to what we can measure: heart rate, sleep cycles, blood markers, workouts completed or the macros on our plates. Yet the intangible—love, laughter, a sense of belonging— is one of the most transformative factors in living a long, happy, and healthy life. We evolved to live our lives in a large supportive group - a tribe or a village. Humans are not designed to be alone. Connection doesn’t just feel good; it is biologically essential.
In fact, the findings from the Harvard Study of Adult Development (1)—the world’s longest-running study on happiness revealed that the quality of our relationships is the single greatest predictor of our health and happiness. Not career success, not wealth, not even the best diet and exercise regime—relationships.
Whilst diet, exercise and sleep remain important factors in our health, after eight decades of research, directors of the study Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, highlighted that people who cultivate meaningful connections with family, friends, and community not only live longer but experience less chronic illness and enjoy greater emotional resilience. Positive relationships can lower stress hormones, reduce inflammation, and even strengthen our immune systems.
The biology of time together
But here’s the irony: in our pursuit of wellness, we sometimes isolate ourselves. We skip the coffee date to squeeze in yoga or cancel dinner plans to avoid disrupting our sleep routine. While these choices can be restorative, too much withdrawal can have unintended consequences.
The Harvard study repeatedly shows that loneliness may be as detrimental to health as smoking. Isolation weakens both mental and physical well-being, contributing to higher rates of cardiovascular disease, depression, and cognitive decline. In contrast, those who nurture strong bonds are more likely to report a sense of purpose, joy, and fulfillment, which can add years to their life and life to their years.
As the year winds down, the pull toward community may even feel instinctive. Winter’s darker days and colder nights naturally draw us closer to loved ones, evoking a primal need to gather and share warmth. Biologically, spending time with loved ones has been shown to reduce cortisol, the stress hormone, and encourage the release of oxytocin, the “bonding” hormone that helps us feel safe and connected. Being part of a supportive network can also encourage healthier habits, from sharing nutritious meals to keeping active, taking walks together outside and giving room for conversation.
Finding the Balance Between Solitude and Connection
Solitude is necessary. It offers space to recalibrate, to rest, to process, and to grow. But solitude becomes isolating when it replaces connection rather than complementing it. True wellness isn’t about trading one for the other; it’s about understanding when to embrace stillness and when to lean into community.
Think of your wellness routine not as a rigid list of must-dos but as a flexible framework that makes space for other joys in life. A vehicle for which you can experience the things that bring you happiness. Yes, nourishing your body with nutrient-dense foods is important, but when the pursuit of health becomes all-consuming, it can inadvertently crowd out the richness of shared moments with others.
A quiet evening in with a comforting cup of True Nightcap can be deeply restorative, but so can a night of laughter with friends. Imagine the simple pleasure of gathering around a table, where the only rituals are a lovingly prepared meal, a glass of red wine, and the magic of being fully present with one another. Sometimes, it’s these moments of connection that nourish us most.
Relationships as a Form of Self-Care
What if we reframed relationships as part of our wellness routine? Just as we prioritise our supplements and skincare, we can prioritise the people who uplift us. Call the friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. Say yes to that spontaneous invite. Be present when you’re with loved ones, leaving the pull of your phone—or the pressure of the ‘should be doing’—at the door. After all, science reminds us that it’s not the frequency of social interactions but their quality that counts.
The Good Life is a Shared Life
Social connections play a vital role in our human and collective health. In a beautiful way, every positive interaction not only enhances our own well-being but also contributes to a ripple effect, improving the lives of those around us too as they receive the benefits too.
So, go ahead: savour your cacao laced with ashwagandha, but remember to savour the people who make your life richer, too.
